“NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!” I believe even if you haven’t had the grand experience that is Faye Dunaways performance as Joan Crawford, you probably have still heard this quote. Which bring me to a subject that will make good old Dr.Freud’s skinless corpse smile. Mothers. From Norman Bates and his 4 star rating from TravelFinderGuy.org to Ed Gein (He was such a good boy). History,in the form of books, poems,and cinema have, mostly, held “The Mother” in high esteem.Until I started this particular stream of consciousness I didn’t realize how many mothers there are. There are Grandmothers, Godmothers, Stepmothers,Mothers you’d like to fuck, “My Sainted Mother”, Mothers Finest (great R&B/funk band), The Mothers of invention (RIP Mr.Zappa), motherfuckers and Mother Mary. Please forgive me if I’d rather hang with a motherfucker than a Mother Theresa, but that’s just me.
I jest in the previous paragraph but, to me, the mother thing is both interesting and terrifying. I have found out through my years of kicking around on this pile of dirt that “The Mother” is the most influential person in the vast majority of humanity. That is some powerful shit right there. You have to fill out a questionnaire to get a “Rewards” card from you grocery store but pretty much any woman can fuck some one night stand, get knocked up, give birth to some sludgling that is pulling DNA out of two different stagnant gene pools, and no one says/does anything. I think there should be SOME kind of process, or test that women should have to take before conceiving. You can make it an app. If you can’t pass this minimal psychological/stability/IQ/sobriety exam, lasers will shoot out of your phone and temporarily seal your twat, making it impenetrable for 24 hours. I have not forgotten Johnny Rotten-Appleseed either, let us just say this would be a less than happy ending. I realize this may not be the most popular opinion, but it is mine.
I will now accept my award. Thank you.